autonomy

Reaction Note #2 Parenting Principles
The principle of parenting I believe is the most important is Autonomy. One of the most desirable characteristics someone can develop is the ability, not simply the belief, but the physical ability to let other people make their own choices. I am a firm believer in life after death; a Heaven, and a Hell. I only mention my belief in Heaven and Hell because I want to emphasize that when I get to Heaven or Hell I will have chosen my eternal residency as consciously as I can chose to turn right at a stop light. Which leads me to the reason why I believe autonomy is the most important characteristic a parent helps their child to develop. For me teaching my children how to make choices is a responsibility that will change their eternity.
I grew up in a family that was very religious, and every Sunday we would march down the cracked sidewalks of Springville Utah to the brown bricked church house. I sat on the wooden chapel’s pews; I sat in sunlight peaking through the curtains in my Sunday school row; and I sat on the singing time’s carpet floor. I sat, and did a lot of thinking about right and wrong. One Sunday morning while we were learning about the difference between Heaven and Hell. My round-faced-teacher asked the simple question, “what is your favorite thing to do?” Swimming! I shot my right hand up and gripped the edge of my chair with the other hand to keep from losing my balance and falling over.
It took no time at all to fill the brown chalk board with the list of all my class’s favorite things to do: monkey bars, teeter-totter, coloring, blocks, swimming, riding my bike. My teacher turned to us and smiled, “now when you go to heaven you do that every day, forever,” Back up, this was heaven? In my mind Heaven transformed from a light filled paradise to a never ending swimming pool. All I could imagine was endless waves, and me in the middle of pumping my tiered arms, endlessly swimming; forever. The line “now when you go to heaven you do that every day, forever,” echoed in my soul as my mind replayed sunrises and sunsets and stroke after stroke and my ageing body pruning up, but never, never being able to stop swimming.
Well all of these suckers sitting in their plastic chairs can go to Heaven and do monkey bars forever, and draw in their color books forever. Not me; I’m going to Hell. I remember begging with God please, please, please, I will be good. I won’t kill anyone, or lie every again, and I will stop picking on my brother, but please, please don’t send me to heaven. After this desperate plea I remember being embraced, as if by the most joyous laughter, and something assured me that I would like Heaven. Being the person I am I followed the sudden comfortable feeling right up with I don’t have to swim everyday? Because I promise you I’m not going to Heaven if I have to.
I still hold to that statement; if I have to swim in Heaven everyday I am not going. That type of Heaven, the type were I am forced to do something (even something I love) with out having the choice is Hell and I will not go there. My idea of Heaven is an eternity of progression and dynamic choices. For my future children I don’t want to make my home a Hell on earth. I want them to feel like their home is a little piece of Heaven, a place were they can make their own choices.
To make a choice is an action and just like every action it has to be learned. Babies learn to walk, they learn to talk, they learn to eat, they learn to make choices. These are all actions, and all of them are mastered progressively. It would be improbably for me to imagine that my baby can walk the week after he or she is born. It would also be just as improbably for me to fancy that my child can make all of his or her own choices. Even if my new born baby wanted to make the choice to change their dipper they lack the physical ability to change their dipper. The ability to make a choice is learned, and I am responsible for teaching it to my children. I thought that some of the examples used to teach children how to make a choice were idyllically in their simplicity: instead of saying eat your vegetables say would you like to eat corn, peas, or carrots, but you have to eat one of those vegetables; you can take out the trash now or after school; put five toys away now, and you can keep two toys out to play with, but you chose which five. Oh! How easy it is for me to be a parent while I am not one. How easy it is for me to say what should be done, even before I know what the problem is. That a side, I do know I want my children to learn how to make their own choices, and I believe that I am responsible for teaching that to them.